Attempting of Starting Off

Starting off always brings pain to endure. It as if our heart had gone frozen and need very long time to its melting. For me right now even for one good sentence seems hard to compose. It was as if my brain had perished and been resurrected after severe effort I put into. My biggest fears in life are neither losing money nor fame. What afraid me the most is losing spirit of developing myself. Being stagnant and feel comfortable enough as who I am right now. I notice being locked in my entwined thoughts, unnecessarily worries that drown me down into my own well. I felt sick so many times of how horrible I was overcoming life I’ve been thru. Get up every morning without catch the spirit of life, undergoing the whole day like a dead living person. I promised myself in those times that I should get my sense back, as the decent human being who thinks and acts despite of the temptation of easy temporary life.